From the time I was a child, of the youngest ages, and could understand the two words, that some claim are one, self-control was drilled into me.

 Moderation in all things.

 Dissipation if of ungodliness.

  Control thy self or the Devil will control thee. [insert Amish beard and stern eyes here]   

  I have finally, after all these years of TRYING my heart out to have self-control, understood the fact that I DO NOT WANT SELF CONTROL.

  No more. That part of my life is over. Time for the rough and rowdy crowd. No, ha, I’m kidding.

  But this is a serious thought, so no more kidding, I promise.

  I do not want self control. To be in control of self. To be self controlling.

  Ha. More so than the fact I do not want it, I cannot ATTAIN it.

  I was God-control.

  The longer I wish to control myself, EVEN in the NAME of God. For the sake of God. etc, etc. I will simply fail.

  I GIVE OVER that SELF CONTROL – let go of my human instincts to CONTROL SELF – and ask, nay, beg, GOD to CONTROL me.

  Unless I move past myself, move past the idea that I can think ”hey, I can do this. God will help me!”  and thus be in control of my self, I will still be failing.

  It’s great to ask God to help. But that’s not what He wants. He doesn’t want you to ultimately coin the phrase, “God help me help my self.” He wants FULL CONTROL.  And then, and only then I am set free.

  How liberating! How the freedom bell does ring. 

  I have a place. A work. And it’s not labeled “Control Thy-Self”.

“You also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.”

  That is my job. That is my part. Not to be controlling myself! Strong self control is what working mothers, who have a career, a husband, three kids and a mortgage say about themselves.

  All these years of worry and wondering, am I controlling my life, my self, my thoughts, my heart, my all the way God wants me to?

  No more!

  I do not control myself. I am not in possession of this vessel. I am God’s clay, His work of art. I have finally learned about how to give that art up to His control.

   I find myself amazed day by day, with His grace renewed, that this is my DESIRE.

“ But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for He hath prepared for them a city.”

The funny part is, it took writing a book about this to show me the light. God works in the most bizare sorts of ways, eh?

   It’s a simple statement. Lots of us admire her, even envy her perhaps in some ways? We read about her and praise her for believing the Angel bearing tidings when even the priest believed Him not.

  But how often do we stop and think about her life! How much she gave for Jesus! What she would have faced in her day and age.

  Mary wasn’t married.

  We know that she didn’t go to her cousin Elizabeth until after the angel talked to her, and then Elizabeth clearly shows us that Jesus was present when Mary came to her. [Luke 1]

  It wasd THREE whole months before Mary went home!

  Joseph knew!

  How many others knew?!

  Can  you imagine what she had to face? Her parents, her fiance, her friends?

  God was faithful, He interceeded, He sent the angel to save Mary’s dignity. But can  you imagine a young girl in those days going home to her parents; pregnant?

  She truly went through much for her Saviour, her son, the Father’s only Son. What an amazing BLESSING to have been chosen! But what a high price to pay for the calling.

Jesus came with a purpose.

We talk about new years resolutions that we desire to keep. We talk about daily resolutions that we need to make into habits.

But Jesus had the ultimate resolution. He came for salvation to all mankind. He came to live and breath the kingdom of God for 33 years and then to die on the cross for you and me.

His resolution was a godly life and a death that crossed all lines and brought down all barriers, and a perfect resurrection!

And He did indeed resurrect!

You consider this strange, no?

So, once did I. Before I knew my Saviour.

As to quote the artist Aaron Shust,

“My Saviour lives, my Saviour loves, my Saviours always there for. My God He was, my God He is, my God is always there for me.”

I shall never again look at “New Years Resolutions” the same. Ever.

I had that on my mind and thought I’d blog it.

I always wondered why I didn’t see the same Jesus that most people around me saw. I wondered from time to time if my view was just too cynical. If He was actually the bubbling with life, joyous, cheerful young man who touched millions of lives.

It wasn’t till this evening, I was working in the kitchen, while my mother was playing a CD [one of her favorite artists, Michael Card] for Bobbi to dance to and a song was playing in which he sang gustily, “the Nazarene could hunger and the Nazarene could cry, and He could laugh with all the fullness of His heart”……

I took a step back from the counter and my hand paused in it’s journey of carrying doughnut batter rings to hot oil.

We have all read the verses where Jesus was tearful, where He was grieving. We’ve all read the shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus wept.

I realized. With a flash of light. The reason I’ve never been comfortable with the world’s view of a smiling Jesus, holding a child on one knee.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say Jesus laughed.

And I was stunned. Literally stunned speechless [even though I wasn’t talking, not even to myself at the moment] and did a double take.

Is it possible? It no where records Jesus laughing?

I mean, He tells us through the wisest human, in Proverbs, that a merry heart does good like medicine. But He never tells us about Himself laughing during His 33 years upon this fragile earth.

My whole life long view of a quiet, reserved, gentle, honestly down to earth [no pun intended] Jesus Christ wasn’t so confusing to me in those moments. The young Man with a passion and a purpose. The young Man who would die for a dream.

I couldn’t agree more that Jesus was the most content in God, the most spiritually happy, the most understanding, peaceful Man ever. And that is where happiness comes from.

But I still see the Jesus who was never recorded as having laughed. I still see the Jesus who told us “Woe to those who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep!”

The Jesus who looked out at the world, the place He’d come to save, and perhaps saw nothing to laugh about.

And why should He have?

What a sinful, in need of Him person I am.

How humbly JOYFUL I am that He was a passionate young Man willing to die for His Father’s dream. I believe that Jesus laughed in His lifetime. That He did have laughter in His heart for innocent, beautiful things. I believe that He gives us laughter for a good reason. But not to be hidden behind or to be abused on things that are not funny in God.

“For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

  How much plainer must He say it before it be understood?

 Oh, how much better not to marry then to marry and deal treacherously against thy wife or husband of covenant and honor.

  Tis a verse I shall paste in my heart to recall always.

I was reading in Malachi, first I read the last chapter b/c I love that chapter so much then I went back and began the book right. So I was reading chapter one and when I was done all I seemed to be able to reflect on was, how VERY much still those words of disgrace can still mean in my life.

We arent sacrificing still on the alter in the temple, with fire and wood and the blood of lambs and goats.

But we are still sacrificing every day to the Lord our lives, our thoughts, our plans, our hopes, dreams, goals, love, self. 

In the chapter I was reading the Lord was lamenting to Israel asking why they brought Him the lame and blind of the herds and flocks, and asking if they would take such gifts to their governers and rulers!

As I closed the Bible I was wondering how God feels when we dont bring our best to Him every day and every hour of our life?

Sad? Lamenting? The same way He felt towards Israel! Just b/c it’s in the Old Testament doesNT mean that it’s not still profitable and TRUE in our lives today! It’s so amazing to realize that the Old Testament was written as a shadow of the things to come in the New Testament and the New Testament is a shadow of things to come in the HEAVENLY, PERFECT world coming with our Lord and Saviour!  Always progressing forward, but always profitable in our lives.

How oft we try to page to the New Testament to find a way out of the old under a covering we so loosly call grace. Does it truly make us exempt though from the heart break of our Lord? The lamenting He does over wrong?  

Like if,  just b/c someone invents a dishwasher that runs off electiricty does it mean we all must forget how to manually wash dishes?? [p.s. I've never used a dishwasher, sadly I havent a real clue how they work but it was only an illistration.]

 The Lord lamented that Israel didnt respect and honor Him even enough as they would their earthly rulers. Today He will still lament if I’m not bringing Him my best! He will see that in my life, in my heart, He’s not good enough. He doesnt rank up there with how I would treat even my friends.

Every day I must strive to lay my life, my heart, all my love, my goals, dreams, hopes, plans, sadness, and joy down at His feet and hold out my weak hands for His guiding strength and honor Him in ALL I DO, all I SPEAK, all I THINK!! God must come first or there’s no hope of happiness in this life. He is to be honored above all,….

I take a minute to think about it… and the deep grief and pain I feel over the fact that SO often I’m not bringing Him my best, and how He must be lamenting over me and over the mistakes I’ve made.

And then I can ask forgivness, give Him my contrite, broken heart, and stand back up knowing He is smiling on me and holding out His guiding hand once more!

For I know one thing, when I hurt, He hurts, when I cry, He cries. And when I fall on my knees, He fills me with grace. B/c when I do wrong and my heart is hurting, nothing breaks His heart, nothing tears Him apart like when we cry.

When God writes your life and love story it’s beautiful.

Verses kept coming to mind…..

Isaiah 59:1  :The Lord’s hand is not so short that it cannot save and His ear is not dull so as to not hear:

He always hears and He is always reaching down to guide our ways, for his hand is not shortened.

and,

“All things work together for good.”

They really do! All things really do! Even the pain. You can look back over your life’s road and see the beauty He’s been up to. The road’s, broken and straight, that He’s led you down to get you to where you are RIGHT now!

And for my friend, it’s the most wonderful place she could imagine right now, besides the heavenly thrones themselves!

And how happy it can make a person seeing someone else’s joy and plunging yourself in whole heartedly.  

How blessed a marriage in such true love, such deep devotion to God and to one another will be and oh how I wish for them happiness! Always! A deep core happiness even in life’s storms. God’s hand is not shortened that it cannot guide our ways and bless our homes!

Oh, how beautiful are the feet of those who bear good tidings.  =)

That just came to mind while I was reading that verse…

Thinking about the heavy heart and sad or wayward path. A right word….. would of course mean a word of truth, of honorable source, in kindness and love,…. is compared to apples in gold when it is rightly spoken. To be rightly spoken would take diserment from the speaker to know when and how and where to speak up.

25: 14 :Like clouds and wind without rain Is a man who boasts of his gifts falsely.:

Offen times I think that on a general whole most people have that as a pet peeve… but how many times might we find ourselves stretching the grandness of something we did or do just a wee bit?

25:19 :Like a bad tooth and an unsteady foot Is confidence in a faithless man in time of trouble.:

Coming to a hard place in our life and looking around and that’s when we find who is faithful and who is not. Who has left us stranded and who offers a life line of hope and help?

My daily thoughts as I read Proverbs 25.