“Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside You.”
From the time I was a child, of the youngest ages, and could understand the two words, that some claim are one, self-control was drilled into me.
Moderation in all things.
Dissipation if of ungodliness.
Control thy self or the Devil will control thee. [insert Amish beard and stern eyes here]
I have finally, after all these years of TRYING my heart out to have self-control, understood the fact that I DO NOT WANT SELF CONTROL.
No more. That part of my life is over. Time for the rough and rowdy crowd. No, ha, I’m kidding.
But this is a serious thought, so no more kidding, I promise.
I do not want self control. To be in control of self. To be self controlling.
Ha. More so than the fact I do not want it, I cannot ATTAIN it.
I was God-control.
The longer I wish to control myself, EVEN in the NAME of God. For the sake of God. etc, etc. I will simply fail.
I GIVE OVER that SELF CONTROL – let go of my human instincts to CONTROL SELF – and ask, nay, beg, GOD to CONTROL me.
Unless I move past myself, move past the idea that I can think ”hey, I can do this. God will help me!” and thus be in control of my self, I will still be failing.
It’s great to ask God to help. But that’s not what He wants. He doesn’t want you to ultimately coin the phrase, “God help me help my self.” He wants FULL CONTROL. And then, and only then I am set free.
How liberating! How the freedom bell does ring.
I have a place. A work. And it’s not labeled “Control Thy-Self”.
“You also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.”
That is my job. That is my part. Not to be controlling myself! Strong self control is what working mothers, who have a career, a husband, three kids and a mortgage say about themselves.
All these years of worry and wondering, am I controlling my life, my self, my thoughts, my heart, my all the way God wants me to?
No more!
I do not control myself. I am not in possession of this vessel. I am God’s clay, His work of art. I have finally learned about how to give that art up to His control.
I find myself amazed day by day, with His grace renewed, that this is my DESIRE.
“ But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for He hath prepared for them a city.”
The funny part is, it took writing a book about this to show me the light. God works in the most bizare sorts of ways, eh?
